We all know that the role of a parent comes with its fair share of worries and late-night ponderings. After potty training, tackling the new math and taming laundry mountain, I’ll be honest here – I did not know how to deal with racism in school as a parent — nor did I want to add tackling anti-black racism in schools to my to-do list.
I had survived the system, my fair share of racist incidents and expected the same for my kids! Plus, it never really crossed my mind that a system that didn’t seem to welcome people who looked like me could actually improve.
Then, everything shifted.
My then 7-year-old daughter had experiences that just kept raising red flags. Her teacher would call her the name of another Black student. Another thought having a bunch of suburban white kids singing Negro Slave spirituals in music class was an appropriate way to honour Black History Month.
Finally, my patience was tested the day my daughter called me in tears. Her teacher had shared a lesson about the violent practice of slave catching with a class of second graders. My baby girl called me because, in a class of mostly white students and faced with clearly age-inappropriate and brutal content, she feared being “caught” and taken away. The actions of this staff member left my daughter feeling terrified and isolated.
At first, I was befuddled by the Principal’s response. Gaslighting will do that to you.
After this incident, I reached out to the school principal, hoping for understanding. Instead, I got a quick defence of the “amazing” educator. When I tried to discuss alternate, less dehumanizing ways to celebrate Black history, the principal brushed off me off gushing that nothing was “meant by it” – plus I was the only person who had raised an issue.
At first, I was befuddled by her response. Gaslighting will do that to you.
But then, as is often the case with me, the rage set in.
I had no idea how to make things better for my child
That moment of my child’s pain, the indifference to it, and my own frustration triggered a powerful shift. After years of facing anti-black racism in school and hoping things would be better for my kids, I was tired. Exhausted actually.
Even though all of these incidents opened my eyes, I won’t lie and say I knew instantly what to do.
After my concerns were dismissed, I sat in my feelings. I was overwhelmed, frustrated and felt very much alone in my experience. Gaslighting worked as designed to make me question my perception of reality.
I wondered if I was indeed making too big a deal out of the situation — well, of the several situations. Racism at school certainly doesn’t normally rise to the level of a “hate crime” and in my case, my child wasn’t called the n*word. There was nothing as obvious as hate speech I could point to. Just a strong sense that skin colour played a role just as they had in my own experiences in the school system. Yet I certainly never reported them or even admitted they happened.
These difficult feelings were hard to process, I didn’t know that there was support or even how to report incidents.
I had no clue how to stand up for my child, demand accountability, or bring about the changes I wanted to see.
Understanding the Impact of Children Experiencing Racism
Let’s be real: racism doesn’t wait until kids are grown to show up. Our children can be experiencing racism before elementary school —and they feel it, even if they can’t always name it. Sometimes it’s loud and obvious, like being called a slur or left out of an activity. Other times it can be difficult to identify and slips in quietly through low expectations, one too many questions about your extensions, or that feeling of being watched a little too closely in the hallway.
It is essential for parents, educators, and caregivers to understand the impact of racial discrimination on children’s mental health and well-being.
Schools aren’t just places for learning math and reading—they’re spaces where kids are either uplifted or overlooked.
And we’ve got work to do to make sure it’s the first one.
Whether it’s blatant or subtle, racial discrimination has a negative impact and takes a toll over time. Children who experience racial discrimination can end up feeling anxious, angry, or like they’re always walking on eggshells. You might notice changes—maybe they’re suddenly more withdrawn, lashing out, or dreading school when they used to love it.
These aren’t just “phases.” They can be signs our children are experiencing racism or feeling racial stress or trauma, and they deserve to be taken seriously – even if our child may not be able to name their experience. After a while, young people may internalize negative stereotypes and develop low self-esteem.
This stuff doesn’t just affect how kids feel — Racial discrimination can also impact how students learn. Research suggests that experiencing racism can lead to racial trauma, which can have long-term effects on a child’s development. A child who doesn’t feel safe or seen at school isn’t going to thrive there.
That’s why it’s so important for parents, caregivers, and educators to not only notice what’s going on, but actually do something about it. Supporting our children means working with our public schools
Schools aren’t just places for learning math and reading—they’re spaces where kids are either uplifted or overlooked.
And we’ve got work to do to make sure it’s the first one.
Black Parents are Important Advocates
Not all of us find ourselves in a position to champion change within our education system. The unfortunate reality is that anti-Black racism often lurks unacknowledged in Canada, and taking on this elusive beast can feel daunting.
As I reflect on my journey and collaborate with other parents, I’ve observed the distinct stages we navigate when we decide to advocate for our children and dismantle anti-Black racism in school.
Now, let me be clear, commiserating about these stages may not miraculously transform the journey into a walk in the park. It won’t magically erase all the hurdles.
My hopeful spirit may be kicking in, but I genuinely believe that when we possess the awareness of the typical stages we’re likely to encounter – whether it’s grappling with gaslighting, harnessing our justified rage, confronting the inevitable exhaustion, or uniting in collective strength – we stand better prepared to navigate the challenges that lie ahead.
I consider this something of a mental roadmap. My hope is discussions like this help my fellow current (or future!) Black parent advocates anticipate the emotional highs and lows and feel empowered to approach each stage with resilience and purpose.
This is a tale of moving from concern to action, the 5 essential stages we go through as we address anti-Black racism in schools.
Stage one: Acknowledging the Problem of Anti-Black Racism in Schools
Not to go all twelve steps here, but quite honestly, the first stage of advocating to address the problem of anti-Black racism is admitting we have a problem.
And that can be easier said than done.
I was reluctant to take up any kind of advocacy work. My naïve (and misplaced) faith in the system collided with my having a full and rich life that did not leave me time for this work.
And I was tired.
I lived with the insidious and exhaustingly “polite” Canadian racism and knew it was a stifling beast. I did not feel like my voice would be heard. The gaslighting I had experienced throughout my time, and my children’s time in the school system, made me question myself and my interpretations. Sidebar: Please note, you are probably not the problem The crucial first stage of effective advocacy is reclaiming the truth of our lived experience.
Sidebar: Please note, you are probably not the problem
Most of us have spent years being talked out of the validity of our lived experience. Those who advocate are often led to the work when something happens that demands we look around and spit out the blue pill. Racism can happen in various contexts—on school grounds, at home, online, and even within family dynamics. Recognizing these occurrences is essential to addressing and supporting those affected.
Only then do we give ourselves permission to stop questioning our interpretations.
But while this stage of reclaiming your truth is affirming, it isn’t easy.
The education system is filled with parents, educators and others who will deny the truth of your experience. Many actively work to convince us that we misunderstood, are taking things “too seriously” or that “everything isn’t about race”. I have been gaslit in some spectacular ways. An educator once said to me – “We do not have a racism problem in our school – we don’t even have any Black teachers”!
Wait. What?
Denials, belittling and gaslighting intend to uphold the status quo and allow the system to preserve false, nonexistent peace.
Fortunately (or well, unfortunately) decades of reports affirm your lived experience. Carl James’ latest book, Colour Matters does a great job of giving voice to the experience of anti-Black racism in Canadian schools. Don’t be afraid to lean into data or reports to support you as you firmly stand in your truth.
Creating Safe Spaces for Discussion
Holding space for open conversation is essential when your child is experiencing racism. Caregivers can create a safe and supportive environment by listening to their child’s experiences and feelings without judgment. It is also important to validate their child’s emotions and to reassure them that they are not alone.
Schools can also create safe spaces for discussion by implementing anti-racism policies and providing education on diversity and inclusion. Teachers and staff members can receive training on how to address racist incidents and how to create a welcoming and inclusive environment for all students.
Family and community relationships can also influence a child’s experience of racism and their ability to cope with it. Parents and caregivers can involve their child in discussions about racism and its impact, and they can also seek support from their community and local organizations.
Stage two: Embracing your rage
So, you realize it’s not “just you”, and then what?
Well, if you’re like me that’s when things might get rage-y.
The shenanigans at my child’s school happened years ago, and I can still get heated when I talk about it. There are few triggers more potent than witnessing the mistreatment of our children.
Rage is undeniably the most assured, yet feared, stage of our journey – it is the most natural and undeniable emotional reaction to the injustices and inequalities we witness. Witnessing racism can make parents feel angry, and this anger is a valid response to such experiences. Yet, we have been trained, socialized and tone-policed into suppressing our rage, treating it as a volatile liability.
Acknowledging rage as an ally in our advocacy journey redefines its role. Only when I let go of my need to quiet my rage did I realize owning it is not about succumbing to negativity. It’s about leaning into intense energy and lived experience to fuel us.
The passion ignited by our anger empowers us to advocate with greater ferocity. Rage can allow us to stand steadfast in the fight for the transformative change we envision.
While rage alone may not sustain our efforts, it’s an integral part of our path to dismantle anti-Black racism in schools.
We live in a world doing everything to incite our rage while simultaneously denying we have a right to feel it.
By validating our justifiable anger, we transform it into a dynamic force, one that propels us toward substantial, enduring transformation.
So yes, be angry. This is the stage when you stop denying your rage. You let yourself feel it and then try to tap into its most effective use.
Stage Three: Minding your Mental Health and Conquering Exhaustion
I always admire fellow advocates who are not burned out by the work. Exhaustion is a very real price we pay for daring to make progress.
There is every reason to be tired. The mental Olympics of deciphering edu-speak (aka the endless acronyms and doublespeak that seem to be the backbone of the education system) can wear anyone out.
From attending meetings to crafting compelling arguments and battling against indifference or hostility, the effort can feel endless. Even hearing the experiences of other parents struggling in the system can be triggering and taxing.
And the slow pace of change in education can be demoralizing. The education system is a notoriously slow-moving beast that is built to say ‘no’ first and ask questions later.
Advocating for change is not for the faint-hearted.
We need self-care, support networks, and understanding. Feeling supported is crucial for continuing the advocacy work. The relentless pursuit of change, particularly in the face of systemic injustices, can exact a heavy toll. This stage of the process is inherent to this journey but a reality that often goes unspoken.
Acknowledging this exhaustion is a sign of strength – and it is essential to conquering it and continuing the work. As is self-care and taking a step back when we feel we need to.
At this stage, it becomes clear that taking care of ourselves and knowing our limits is crucial to keep the fire burning.
Supporting Children Experiencing Racism
When a child faces racism—whether it’s racial discrimination or racist incidents they’re dealing with regularly—they need more than just a pep talk. They need care, community, and a plan. That starts at home. Caregivers are often the first line of defence, and that support matters more than we sometimes realize. That might look like listening without brushing things off, validating their feelings (even when it’s hard to hear), or finding a therapist who gets it—especially one who understands the impact of anti-Black racism.
At school, the support has to be more than a poster on the wall during Black History Month. Real anti-racism work means policies, accountability, and people who know how to show up. It means training for staff, yes—but it also means kids need to actually see adults taking action when harm happens.
And while we’re protecting them, we also need to equip them. Kids don’t need every ugly detail all at once, but they do need to understand what racism is, how it shows up, and that it’s not their fault. These conversations can happen in ways that feel natural—through books, shows, everyday moments, or questions they ask when you least expect it.
Don’t underestimate the power of joy and pride, either. Getting them involved in spaces that celebrate who they are—whether that’s through cultural events, Black youth programs, or just being around folks who affirm them—can be the kind of soft armour they need to face a world that doesn’t always see them clearly.
Stage Four: Finding your People
Sure – the bad news is that you might be gaslit regularly, you will be rage-weary and exhausted and probably question yourself and the merit of your journey.
The good news is that other folks are in the same boat! A lot of other people.
Hmm… ok. So maybe this isn’t exactly good news.
But anyways.
There are more people than you think who share your concerns and are trying to make a difference. This stage of the journey, connecting with like-minded parents and advocates and building solidarity is uplifting.
From equity-focused circles within parent councils to digital spaces like WhatsApp chats, Facebook groups, or even engaging blogs (hint, hint…like this one!), there are communities out there awaiting your presence.
These platforms offer opportunities for learning, connections, and advice-sharing. They introduce you to individuals who are amplifying voices and concerns. Most importantly, these communities provide solace and a sense of belonging.
Sometimes just knowing I am not alone in the work is the driving force I need.
Seeking Professional Help and Support
Let’s be clear: you don’t have to do this alone. If things get serious, there is no shame in recognizing when dealing with racism requires a comprehensive approach that involves parents, caregivers, schools, and community organizations
Supporting children who have been impacted by racism can feel overwhelming—and heavy. That’s why bringing in professional help might be something to consider. Mental health professionals —especially those who understand racial trauma—can help children develop coping strategies and give them tools to process what’s happened, name what they’re feeling, and begin to heal.
Schools should be supporting children experiencing racial discrimination as well. Schools can also provide access to counselling or therapy, and they can also involve caregivers in the process. If you involve your child’s school and it offers counselling, ask who the counsellor is, what their training includes, and gauge their expertise or lived experience with racial trauma, racism and helping Black students specifically. You deserve answers—and a seat at the table when decisions are being made about your child’s well-being.
Our work is to raise kids who know that yes, racism exists—but so do love, strength, pride, and power.
But support doesn’t stop there. Community matters. Whether it’s through a youth program, a local organization focused on racial justice, or just being around folks who get it, finding your people can make a huge difference. Check out our post on 25 Organizations that Black Parents Should Know. These spaces remind kids (and their grown-ups) that they’re not alone, and that they’re part of something bigger.
At the end of the day, addressing racism isn’t a one-and-done conversation or a single act of advocacy—it’s a whole approach. It takes parents, schools, and communities working together to create real change. That means listening, supporting, unlearning, and sometimes pushing back. And it means our work is to raise kids who know that yes, racism exists—but so do love, strength, pride, and power. And they’ve got all of that in them.
Stage five: Empowerment. Using your voice to dismantle anti-Black racism in schools
From slave catcher lessons to incidents of racial violence, we find evidence of racial trauma rooted in a lot of incidents of anti-Black racism in schools. Add to that the diversity gap and lack of Black voices in our curriculum and our kids rarely see folks who look like them in a system meant to inform who they are.
Yet, education can open the doors to a future for our children. While the flawed education system may not be what they imagined, generations of our ancestors believed in the transformative power of education and critical thought.
Once you reach this final stage in the work of addressing anti-black racism in schools, you understand how the voices of Black parents can have immense power to spark transformative change.
History proves that monumental shifts often begin as subtle ripples that grow in strength as more voices join the chorus for change.
Generations of our ancestors believed in the transformative power of education and critical thought.
You start to appreciate that each email you send, and conversation you have, asserts our truth. Thanks to finding your people, you have created community with folks who uplift you and share in the work.
At this stage, you know that each demand for accountability chips away at the status quo and anti-Black racism in schools.
The very act of advocating sends a resounding message that demands to be heard.
Navigating the work of dismantling anti-Black racism in schools
My own path toward being a parent advocate began with my daughter’s tears, teacher indifference, and my frustration with the system. Even though I was clueless about how to spark change, I couldn’t ignore the need.
So, here’s the deal: standing up for change in education isn’t a walk in the park, especially when it comes to addressing systemic issues like anti-Black racism in schools. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.
Believe me, I’ve been there too.
If you’re looking for guidance, check out our No Stress Guide to Advocating. It’s filled with tips, templates and offers a starting point to initiate conversations with school leaders and fellow parents to drive meaningful action.
This roadmap is my way of making the journey a bit smoother for you, less overwhelming, and more empowering. The work of dismantling anti-Black racism in Canadian schools may be tough, but you’re not alone. And together, we can create a better future for our kids.
