We all know that the role of a parent comes with its fair share of worries and late-night ponderings. After potty training, tackling the new math and taming laundry mountain, I’ll be honest here – I was not ready to add tackling anti-black racism in schools to my to-do list.
I had survived the system and expected the same for my kids! Plus, it never really crossed my mind that a system that didn’t seem to welcome people who looked like me could actually be improved.
Then, everything shifted.
My then 7-year-old daughter had teachers who just kept raising red flags. One kept calling my daughter by the name of another Black student. Another thought having a bunch of suburban white kids singing Negro spirituals in music class was an appropriate way to honour Black History Month.
Finally, my patience was tested the day my daughter called me in tears. Her teacher had shared a lesson about the violent practice of slave catching with a class of second graders. My baby girl called me because, in a class of mostly white students and faced with clearly age-inappropriate and brutal content, she feared being “caught” and taken away.
After this final incident, I reached out to the school principal, hoping for understanding. Instead, I got a quick defence of the “amazing” teachers. When I tried to discuss alternate, less dehumanizing ways to celebrate Black history, the principal brushed off my concerns, gushing that the teachers “hadn’t meant anything by it” and had done their best.
At first, I was befuddled by her response. Gaslighting will do that to you.
But then, as is often the case with me, the rage set in.
I had no idea how to make things better for my child
That moment of my child’s pain, the indifference of those in the system, and my own frustration triggered a powerful shift. After years of facing anti-black racism in school and hoping things would be better for my kids, I was tired. Exhausted actually.
Even though all of these incidents opened my eyes, I won’t lie and say I knew instantly what to do.
After my concerns were dismissed, I sat in my feelings. I was overwhelmed, frustrated and felt very much alone in my experience. Gaslighting worked as designed to make me question my perception of reality. Anti-black racism in schools was not generally accepted as a systemic issue and I wondered if I was indeed making too big a deal out of the situation — well, of the several situations.
I had no clue how to stand up for my child, demand accountability, or bring about the changes I wanted to see.
Black parent advocates demand changes the school system needs
Not every parent finds themselves in a position to champion change within our education system. The unfortunate reality is that anti-Black racism often lurks unacknowledged in Canada, and taking on this elusive beast can feel daunting.
As I reflect on my journey and collaborate with other parents, I’ve observed the distinct stages we navigate when we decide to advocate for our children and dismantle anti-Black racism in school.
Now, let me be clear, commiserating about these stages may not miraculously transform the journey into a walk in the park. It won’t magically erase all the hurdles.
My hopeful spirit may be kicking in, but I genuinely believe that when we possess the awareness of the typical stages we’re likely to encounter – whether it’s grappling with gaslighting, harnessing our justified rage, confronting the inevitable exhaustion, or uniting in collective strength – we stand better prepared to navigate the challenges that lie ahead.
I consider this something of a mental roadmap. My hope is discussions like this help my fellow current (or future!) Black parent advocates anticipate the emotional highs and lows and feel empowered to approach each stage with resilience and purpose. This is a tale of moving from concern to action, the 5 essential stages we go through as we address anti-Black racism in schools.
Stage one: Acknowledging the problem of anti-Black racism in schools
Not to go all twelve steps here, but quite honestly, the first stage of advocating to address the problem of anti-Black racism is admitting we have a problem.
And that can be easier said than done.
I was reluctant to take up any kind of advocacy work. My naïve (and misplaced) faith in the system collided with my having a full and rich life that did not leave me time for this work.
And I was tired.
I lived with the insidious and exhausting “polite” Canadian racism and knew it was a stifling beast. I did not feel like my voice would be heard. The gaslighting I had experienced throughout my time, and my children’s time in the school system, made me question myself and my interpretations.
Sidebar: Please note, you are probably not the problem
The crucial first stage of effective advocacy is reclaiming the truth of our lived experience.
Most of us have spent years being talked out of the validity of our lived experience. Those who advocate are often led to the work when something happens that demands we look around and spit out the blue pill.
Only then do we give ourselves permission to stop questioning our interpretations.
But while this stage of reclaiming your truth is affirming, it isn’t easy.
The education system is filled with parents, educators and others who will deny the truth of your experience. Many actively work to convince us that we misunderstood, are taking things “too seriously” or that “everything isn’t about race”. I have been gaslit in some spectacular ways. An educator once said to me – “We do not have a racism problem in our school – we don’t even have any Black teachers”!
Wait. What?
Denials, belittling and gaslighting intend to uphold the status quo and allow the system to preserve false, nonexistent peace.
Fortunately (or well, unfortunately) decades of reports affirm your lived experience. Carl James’ latest book, Colour Matters does a great job of giving voice to the experience of anti-Black racism in Canadian schools. Don’t be afraid to lean into data to support you as you firmly stand in your truth.
Stage two: Embracing your rage
So, you realize it’s not “just you”, and then what?
Well, if you’re like me that’s when things might get rage-y.
The shenanigans at my child’s school happened years ago, and I can still get heated when I talk about it. There are few triggers more potent than witnessing the mistreatment of our children.
Rage is undeniably the most assured, yet feared, stage of our journey – it is the most natural and undeniable emotional reaction to the injustices and inequalities we witness. Yet, we have been trained, socialized and tone-policed into suppressing our rage, treating it as a volatile liability.
Acknowledging rage as an ally in our advocacy journey redefines its role. Only when I let go of my need to quiet my rage did I realize owning it is not about succumbing to negativity. It’s about leaning into intense energy and lived experience to fuel us.
The passion ignited by our anger empowers us to advocate with greater ferocity. Rage can allow us to stand steadfast in the fight for the transformative change we envision.
While rage alone may not sustain our efforts, it’s an integral part of our path to dismantle anti-Black racism in schools.
We live in a world doing everything to incite our rage while simultaneously denying we have a right to feel it.
By validating our justifiable anger, we transform it into a dynamic force, one that propels us toward substantial, enduring transformation.
So yes, be angry. This is the stage when you stop denying your rage. You let yourself feel it and then try to tap into its most effective use.
Stage three: Conquering exhaustion
I always admire fellow parents and advocates who are not burned out by the work. Exhaustion is a very real price we pay for daring to make progress.
There is every reason to be tired. The mental Olympics of deciphering edu-speak (aka the endless acronyms and doublespeak that seem to be the backbone of the education system) can wear anyone out.
From attending meetings to crafting compelling arguments and battling against indifference or hostility, the effort can feel endless. Even hearing the experiences of other parents struggling in the system can be triggering and taxing.
And the slow pace of change in education can be demoralizing. The education system is a notoriously slow-moving beast that is built to say ‘no’ first and ask questions later.
Advocating for change is not for the faint-hearted.
We need self-care, support networks, and understanding. The relentless pursuit of change, particularly in the face of systemic injustices, can exact a heavy toll. This stage of the process is inherent to this journey but a reality that often goes unspoken.
Acknowledging this exhaustion is a sign of strength – and it is essential to conquering it and continuing the work. As is self-care and taking a step back when we feel we need to.
At this stage, it becomes clear that taking care of ourselves and knowing our limits is crucial to keep the fire burning.
Stage four: Finding your people
Sure – the bad news is that you might have your concerns gaslit, you will be rage-weary and exhausted and probably question yourself and the merit of your journey.
The good news is that other folks are in the same boat! A lot of other people.
Hmm… ok. So maybe this isn’t exactly good news.
But anyway.
There are more people than you think who share your concerns and are trying to make a difference. This stage of the journey, connecting with like-minded parents and advocates and building solidarity is uplifting.
From equity-focused circles within parent councils to digital spaces like WhatsApp chats, Facebook groups, or even engaging blogs (hint, hint…like this one!), there’s a community out there awaiting your presence.
These platforms offer opportunities for learning, connections, and advice-sharing. They introduce you to individuals who are amplifying voices and concerns. Most importantly, these spaces provide solace and a sense of belonging.
Sometimes just knowing I am not alone in the work is the driving force I need.
Stage five: Empowerment. Using your voice to dismantle anti-Black racism in schools
From slave catcher lessons to incidents of racial violence, we find evidence of traumas rooted in anti-Black racism in schools. Add to that the diversity gap and lack of Black voices in our curriculum and our kids rarely see folks who look like them in a system meant to inform who they are.
Yet, education can open the doors to a future for our children. While the flawed education system is not what they imagined, generations of our ancestors believed in the transformative power of critical thought.
Once you reach this final stage in the work of addressing anti-black racism in schools, you understand how the voices of Black parents can have immense power to spark transformative change. History proves that monumental shifts often begin as subtle ripples that grow in strength as more voices join the chorus for change.
You start to appreciate that each email you send, and conversation you have, asserts our truth. Thanks to finding your people, you have created community with folks who uplift you and share in the work.
At this stage, you know that each demand for accountability chips away at the status quo and anti-Black racism in schools.
The very act of advocating sends a resounding message that demands to be heard.
Navigating the work of dismantling anti-Black racism in schools
My own path toward being a parent advocate began with my daughter’s tears, teacher indifference, and my frustration with the system. Even though I was clueless about how to spark change, I couldn’t ignore the need.
Reflecting on these stages – from reclaiming my truth to finding empowerment – I’ve managed to make progress.
So, here’s the deal: standing up for change in education isn’t a walk in the park, especially when it comes to addressing systemic issues like anti-Black racism in schools. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start. Believe me, I’ve been there too.
If you’re looking for guidance, check out my FREE guide on recognizing signs that your school shouldn’t ignore. It’s a starting point to initiate conversations with school leaders and fellow parents to drive meaningful action.
This roadmap is my way of making the journey a bit smoother for you, less overwhelming, and more empowering. The work of dismantling anti-Black racism in Canadian schools may be tough, but you’re not alone. And together, we can create a better future for our kids.
