So far, my child’s ADHD diagnosis has taught me many lessons. Those lessons are mostly about myself, but also about how the world is and is not ready to support children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Especially Black children.
From our initial ADHD tests to an eventual ADHD diagnosis until today, I have stayed learning and growing.
I’ve seen how an accurate diagnosis has helped me distinguish between helpful teacher insights and harmful stereotype-laden feedback.
I’ve also realized that a diagnosis is just the starting point. It guided my next steps and helped me channel as much energy as possible into finding the right solutions for my child.
Black children and ADHD diagnosis
Howard University Magazine highlights the complexity of ADHD in Black children.
The article points out that people often misdiagnose our kids because they view their behaviours more punitively than they would similar behaviours in a white child or another child of colour.
Studies have long proven bias in our education and healthcare systems. Yet the opinions on how this bias specifically does or does not impact the diagnosis of ADHD in Black children are conflicting.
This same Howard Magazine article points out that “a 2020 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that Black children are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD compared to white and Hispanic children. However, a 2021 study published in JAMA Network Open found that Black, Asian, and Hispanic children were significantly less likely to be diagnosed with or treated for ADHD than white children.”
There is no clear answer to the complicated problems in our healthcare and educational systems. One thing is clear — there is an intersection of neurodiversity and Blackness.
This means that our checklist for supporting children with ADHD might look a bit different.
The unique challenges our children face require us to understand both their neurodiverse needs and the systemic biases they encounter. As I have gone through this journey, I’ve had to find new ways to learn about the system. I continue to understand the diagnosis and find tools to navigate these complexities and advocate effectively.
“Studies even contradict on whether Black children are over- or underdiagnosed with ADHD. While a 2020 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that Black children are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD compared to white and Hispanic children, a study published in 2021 in JAMA Network Open found that Black, Asian, and Hispanic children were significantly less likely to be diagnosed with or treated for ADHD than white children.”
Howard Magazine
If I had Known Then What I Know Now About ADHD
Honestly, I’m not sure I would or could have done anything differently in this journey.
But what I do know is that if I can, I’d love to help others with what I’ve learned. Consider this my “if I had known then what I know now” contribution to the conversation.
Navigating the world with a child who has ADHD comes with its own set of unique challenges. Things don’t get easier as your child hits the teen years and high school. I’ve spent more hours researching, advocating, and frustrated than I’d like to admit. But along the way, I’ve also stumbled onto insights and strategies that I wish I had known from the start.
So, as you continue your journey, I humbly offer some practical tips and learnings. These are what I consider to be an essential checklist for supporting teens and children with ADHD.
Essential Tip 1: Understand your child’s ADHD diagnosis
A diagnosis of ADHD is only the beginning.
In my experience, the work begins once you have an accurate diagnosis. You are just starting on your journey to understand what ADHD means for your child and your family. And you accept pretty quickly how this can change as your child grows into their teen years. It’s about learning the specific ways common symptoms of ADHD specifically impact your child on a daily basis. Understanding a child’s unique diagnosis and symptoms is a must. It is a critical part of identifying the best or most effective treatment plan for your child.
In my case, it first meant me pouring over pages and pages of a comprehensive assessment. And they don’t make this easy. I encountered terminology I had never seen before in this assessment. Never mind had any reason to understand before then. Understanding this report about my child led me to unlearning a lot of my own misconceptions about ADHD.
Not everyone realizes that ADHD, like all forms of neurodiversity, looks different for each person. That’s part of what makes them neurodiverse. I wish this term applied to all people because we are all wired to learn differently, but that’s a topic for another day. The point is, not every child with ADHD displays hyperactive symptoms. And of course, inattentive symptoms of ADHD vary from child to child.
At the same time as learning about the diagnosis, parents will also have to explain to teachers and family members what ADHD is and is not. For their child. When your teen reaches high school this means explaining to many more teachers multiple times each academic year.
ADHD, like all forms of neurodiversity, looks different for each person.
Yes, a child with ADHD can focus on things that interest them, which is to some degree “typical” behaviour. But I grow tired of fielding the same questions from family members who doubt the validity of this diagnosis – like, “Who doesn’t pay more attention when they like something?”. Because these folks don’t understand that this doesn’t explain how a person with ADHD can hyperfocus. It also dismisses the ongoing pattern of inattention in daily activities.
Parents must also understand and explain how their child’s reactions in different settings will grow and evolve. Every element of a child’s life, personality characteristics and daily activities, can significantly impact how their ADHD shows up. The way younger children display symptoms of inattention changes by their teenage years. Strategies for working with teachers in elementary school must evolve when your child reaches high school.
People accused my son of disruptive behaviour that was entirely out of character for him. I learned quickly that once a teacher had ADHD on their mind, they often couldn’t see past their own biases. They looked for symptoms of hyperactivity that they expected, rather than the symptoms that actually appeared. I was often unsure which was more at play: cultural stereotypes or mental health bias.
Yet, this is no reason not to have your children tested and appropriately diagnosed. In my experience, quite the opposite. A proper diagnosis and my knowledge of my child equipped me to advocate for them more effectively.
Essential Tip 2: Advocate Early and Often. And, like, forever.
And that brings me to my next point.
Once you understand your child’s diagnosis and how ADHD manifests for them, you will be better equipped to support them. And advocate. Through school, sports or wherever they need it.
When it comes to advocating for our children, it is important to remember that everyone’s understanding of ADHD is not equal. And that applies to teachers and other educators.
Teachers do not necessarily learn the ins and outs of teaching neurodiverse children. Add to that that many teachers graduated many years ago, and may have an outdated understanding of ADHD.
In my experience, my child’s teachers seemed to dismiss his diagnosis because my child is not hyperactive. People have long associated hyperactivity with ADHD. Those children diagnosed with inattentive ADHD though may not demonstrate the stereotypically hyper behaviour some come to expect from kids with ADHD.
Teachers also struggled to fully understand the best ways to support a child with “impaired” memory. They often did not have the skills, time or flexibility to provide meaningful support.
By understanding your child’s specific diagnosis, you can better advocate for them and help others see beyond outdated stereotypes
This limited understanding of the diagnosis can make it challenging to get the support your child needs.
By understanding your child’s specific diagnosis, you can better advocate for them and help others see beyond outdated stereotypes. This knowledge empowers you to ensure they get the right support in all areas of their life.
Not only do you need to combat negative stereotypes, it is essential that you understand the supports available to our students.
Parents of Black Children created the exceptional resource, “Navigating the Education System”. The booklet offers extensive guidance to help parents understand and navigate the school system. This also includes a very detailed explanation of the Individual Education Plan (IEP) process.
Any parent should know the ins and outs of our school system, but this is especially critical for those parents who have a child with learning exceptionalities or who is neurodiverse. Parents must become familiar with the ways the school system is meant to support them.
This of course also tells you when it’s time to step in and advocate for the support your child needs.
Oh, spoiler alert: you will always have to Advocate. Like seriously.
As a parent, I have struggled to tell the difference between Niceness and Nonsense. Anti-Black racism comes veiled in low expectations and concealed behind empty praise.
But make no mistake, Black children in this school system need to have a parent willing, able and ready to advocate for them. Early, often and on an ongoing basis.
Essential Tip 3: Teach your children to Advocate for themselves – Early and Often. And yeah, forever.
Sorry to tell you, but advocacy doesn’t end when your child is a teenager. In fact, it may be more consequential the older children get. School decisions and attitudes can impact the course selections and access to activities that can change the trajectory of a high schooler’s future.
The good news is if you have sowed the right seeds in elementary school, once your teen reaches high school, advocacy should become a partnership between you and them.
Young people with ADHD must know the supports they are entitled to. They must also be able to identify when something isn’t working as it should and know they can ask for better. This is all part of advocating for themselves – and learning to ask for something different.
In my child’s case, while we had an IEP, only when we changed learning environments did we learn what it looked like to have what he called “competent” support during his tests.
Essential Tip 4: Figure out Your Strategy to Manage Technology
Ok so I have this is one of those on-the-ground practical tips I wish someone had given me.
It’s not that I hate technology. It’s just that video games are the bane of my existence. If you have not yet got there, you too will soon grow to hate them. At first, they seem harmless, a great way to let off steam, especially on rainy or super cold days. Then, you wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and catch your kid at 1:00 a.m., immersed in an online battle with their friends, long after you thought they were asleep. And the battle begins.
*sigh*
And no, there is no one right answer for every family. Knowing how much screen time is appropriate for kids and then appropriate for your kid – and then appropriate for your kid with ADHD is a process of trial and error.
But one thing is an absolute must, the sooner you get ahead of how tech fits into the life of your child with ADHD, the better off you will be.
For children with ADHD, technology poses additional risks. Studies indicate that tech can pose a higher risk of addiction for kids with ADHD. Plus, social media and the online world have an added layer of complexity for Black children.
The sooner you get ahead of how tech fits into the life of your child with ADHD, the better off you will be.
At the same time, schools today require most children to have access to technology. This is especially true in high school. Written planners (find my fave planners here!) are the preferred way for kids with ADHD to learn time management skills. Writing things down improves memory retention, which is key for ADHD kids.
Yet, everything from school assignments to course and test grades and even textbooks are exclusively available online. Therefore any thoughts you may have of removing technology is impractical and a sure way to set a student up for failure.
Students today must be aware of how to use technology. The challenge for parents is to ensure they integrate this technology into their lives responsibly. This is easier said than done, especially with the added distractions of ever-present cell phones.
The struggle is real.
Responsibly using technology is a life skill every child has to learn. And it is essential as a parent of a child with ADHD that you get and set crystal clear rules if you attempt to tame what I affectionately call The screen time beast.
Essential Tip 5: Find a good tutor
I’ll be honest, the only thing that has salvaged my relationship with my child is finding a good tutor. Not to mention that after about grade 5 math, I had to tap out of trying to understand never mind “teach” my child this here new math.
I get it, tutoring is not a cheap endeavour. But investing in a good tutor will save your sanity, and likely your child’s academic performance.
The good news is that there are many tutoring options available that are flexible with time and budget-friendly.
Parents of Black children EDGE Tutoring Program offers Black children from K-12, access to twice weekly tutoring in the subject of their choice. While the program fills up quickly, there is a waiting list parents can join.
Also, many folks are unaware that in Ontario, TVO’s Mathify offers free 1:1 online math tutoring with Ontario-certified teachers. Not only does this free service offer math tutoring, but it provides students with access to a Question Bank and saved lessons available to students any time.
I understand that investing in a tutor can seem like a significant expense, but it’s worth considering for both your sanity and your child’s school performance. Investing in a tutor can make a big difference in your child’s educational experience and overall well-being.
A tutor can provide the personalized support your child needs to succeed academically and can alleviate some of the stress and frustration that comes with managing ADHD in school.
Essential Tip 6: Find something your child loves and invest in it.
I’m a big proponent of education, believing that children need exposure to diverse thoughts, ideas, and lived experiences. It’s a crucial part of their development. I also think that if more people actively engaged in research and critical thinking, perhaps our world would be a little less messed up. But that’s a discussion for another day.
What I’m not a fan of is how formal schooling can impact the self-worth of neurodiverse learners. I’ve had to work hard to ensure my child’s self-worth isn’t solely tied to their grades. It’s important for me to teach my kids that making mistakes and learning through experience is perfectly okay.
If your child has ADHD, it’s important to accept that they might not excel in overly structured learning environments. And any trouble at school, or with memory can impact them and may even cause issues of low self-esteem. Many kids with ADHD struggle with starting tasks and following through, especially when they don’t find the task enjoyable or engaging. Understanding and adapting to these challenges can help support their overall development and well-being.
When your child with ADHD can shine in their way, they will shine!
This is where your child’s outside interests and passions come into play.
Many children with ADHD are incredibly capable of learning complex material when it aligns with their interests. For example, my child is deeply engaged in math when they can use it to interpret basketball statistics and real estate market trends. When their history teacher connected historical events to current issues and social justice, my child produced some of the most organized and insightful work I had ever seen.
Along the same lines, even though getting him to clean his is still a daily, moment-to-moment absolute struggle, my child can create, cook and plate an extraordinary meal and leave the kitchen spotless.
Most important is that when your child with ADHD can shine in their way, they will shine! Give your child something positive to lean into whether that’s an organized sport or just something they are good at at home. This will reinforce good behaviours, improve their self-confidence and get them excited about what they are capable of.
Essential Tip 7: Stop trying to apply non-neurodiverse thinking to a neurodiverse child’s mind
This brings me to my final point.
I genuinely do not understand why my child’s room constantly looks like Staples, H&M and Winners threw up clothes, school books and knick-knacks onto his bed and floor. Meanwhile, this same child can clean a kitchen with meticulous precision.
No matter how many times I ask – why not just put your clothes away when you get dressed? Why pour out your laundry basket on the floor to find a shirt, wouldn’t it be easier to use these lovely hangers I purchased and conveniently placed in your closet? I do not get a satisfactory answer.
I admit, I have felt frustrated at times. I’ve realized that this frustration often stems from my own misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations.
ADHD can mean your child has a hard time concentrating, finishing tasks, and yes, keeping their room clean. They might struggle with maintaining focus or understanding why a clean room is important and needs to be done a certain way. Sometimes, they might lose interest halfway through a task.
I’ve chosen to focus on my child’s strengths and the unique ways their mind works when it’s at its best.
Trying to understand the logic behind their actions—especially if you have a neurotypical brain—can be an exercise in frustration. It’s not only frustrating for you but also for your child, who may feel like they don’t measure up or are at fault for something beyond their control.
While you can use checklists and try cleaning the room together, you may need to accept that this might be an ongoing challenge. To maintain peace and protect their self-esteem, it’s best to work with their brain rather than against it.
Some might say I’ve given up, and to some extent, they’re not wrong. But I’d say I’ve chosen to focus on my child’s strengths and the unique ways their mind works when it’s at its best, rather than dwelling on their shortcomings.
Your family’s journey with ADHD is uniquely yours
For every parent, an ADHD diagnosis can mean different things. From the moment your child’s symptoms are first identified to sitting through an ADHD assessment there are implications that parents need to understand.
While if you’re like me, you may be thankful to better understand the root of your child’s lack of focus, you are entitled to feel overwhelmed by the decisions you’ll have to make around the ADHD treatment that is best for them. Despite the best intentions of mental health professionals, even the most thorough assessment cannot fully prepare you for the ways you will need to learn, adapt, and advocate for your child.
ADHD has taught me important lessons, and I continue to learn as I go. The most effective strategies for parents of children with ADHD are those that center on your child, your family, and their confidence.
Beyond any checklist, the most essential advice I can offer is to remember that your journey is uniquely yours. Whether you are supporting a younger child or navigating the teenage years, understanding and managing ADHD or any type of neurodiversity will be an ongoing journey that is distinct to your family and circumstances.
For more inspiration on your parenting journey, check out our list of 10 of the Best Books that Celebrate Black Parenting.
