What Your Kid’s Language Might Be Telling You About Their Internet Safety
Let’s just start here: Social media apps don’t always show up with red flags. Social media companies do not make a point of announcing, “Hi! This is where I use personal information and live streaming preferences to start shaping your child’s confidence and eroding their mental health, empathy, and sense of worth.”
Nah. It’s quieter than that.
Sometimes, it shows up in a joke. A one-liner. A side comment your kid makes while scrolling TikTok or gaming online.
And you freeze for a second. Because what did that teenager say? Didn’t sound like them. Not the version you’ve been raising. Not the voice you know.
That’s what this post is about. Not to scare you. Not to shame you. But to help you catch it, when something small starts shifting in your child’s language. Because when language changes, beliefs usually tag along.
The Quiet Damage: What Social Media Use Is Actually Doing
We all know teens spend hours on social media – too many hours actually. (Honestly, some of us do too.) But here’s the thing most young people — and many parents — may not realize:
With every scroll, every “perfect” selfie, every viral comment section — social media quietly reshapes the way teens see themselves — and often not for the better.
Research shows that constant exposure to filtered images and unrealistic lifestyles isn’t just making young users feel a little bad. It’s rewiring their sense of normalcy, eroding body image, and driving lower self-esteem one post at a time. Teens report concerns with their mental health – and those who spend more than three hours daily on social media are at a higher risk for mental health issues.
And because their brain isn’t screaming “DANGER!” after every scroll doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Sometimes the damage is easy to miss—until it piles up.
Translation: It’s not just one influencer flexing abs carved by filters that leads to your teen’s poor body image, restrictive eating or mental health issues.
It’s the endless loop whispering: “This is what success looks like. This is what matters.”
And that’s the real danger.
Let Me Be Real With You for a Second
Social media isn’t curated for personal growth. It’s a whole marketing beast that is curated for engagement — and “engagement” is social media speak for whatever triggers the most clicks, chaos, and conflict.
Most social media sites or the latest apps are built on a lot of user-generated content and anonymous posting. That means the loudest, messiest, most extreme takes? They rise to the top — every time. And while many are concerned about explicit stuff – and you should be there is a lot of sexual content online – but some of the perhaps equally dangerous stuff is often subtle, but repeated, with authority.
Throw out a cruel comment? Post something wild for attention and get Instafamous? That’s not a “bug” of problematic social media use. It’s the entire business model.
The posts that trend aren’t often wisdom or kindness. It’s the “Can you believe they said that?” moments. It’s the memes that turn real pain into punchlines. It’s the rage-bait hot takes designed to keep young users mad, scared, and scrolling.
While there are potential benefits to social media, like fostering connections and self-expression, the potential risks can’t be understated. Yet they often are, especially to teens themselves.
Social media platforms aren’t quietly boosting your kid’s mental health with affirmations and career tips between cat videos. They’re feeding tweens and teens a steady diet of insecurity, outrage, and hot garbage disguised as connection.
Why Protecting Youth Mental Health Can’t Be Passive
If you’re hoping a few “Be careful online!” warnings will do the trick — listen, I admire your faith. But… no.
Research shows many teens are far more influenced by what other teens post than by any good example or role model offline. For context – teens trust online content shared by friends more than adults trust the content of emails we get from friends!
And guess what kind of content spreads fastest on social media platforms? The reckless kind. The “are you kidding me?” kind. The dangerous challenges, the toxic dating advice, the edited-to-perfection fake lives.
Young people are drawn to sensational content because it feels real — but often, it’s the most harmful content that goes viral.
Without direct intervention – someone like us parents pulling back the curtain – teens normalize the worst parts of the digital landscape without even noticing.
If you’re not actively working to protect youth and teaching digital literacy skills, the digital landscape is.
How Parents Can Push Back with Digital Literacy Skills (Even if you’re not totally tech savvy!)
When it comes to their teen’s online life, parents need to do what you can to stay visible. Be the “slightly annoying” voice of reality. Teens are typically randomly annoyed with us anyway, so there is no additional risk. Regardless of your kid’s age, if they are online – from Kids YouTube channels to TikTok it is never too early or too late to have conversations, set the example and put limits in place.
What that looks like:
- Regular check-ins about what’s happening in your teen’s social media activities (even if they roll their eyes)
- Talking openly about how curated and fake social media content really is
- Setting real expectations about kindness and empathy — online and off
- Reminding your teen that yes in many ways the algorithm is “listening” and shaping what they see
- Talking openly about the negative effects of excessive use and setting a good example yourself by tuning out of social media in favour of enjoying family activities
You’re not the “bad guy” because you’re paying attention. You’re the constant voice reminding them:
You are worth more than likes, follows, or fleeting trends.
And when the internet tries to shrink them into a template? You’ll be the one reminding them they were never meant to fit.
The Wake-Up Moment
When I created the 5-Day Algorithm Detox, I did what any halfway-cautious, halfway-overwhelmed parent would do:
I checked out my own teen’s social media feed. And honestly? My teenager’s social media use wasn’t terrible. But the bigger concern for me were the ad links, the suggestions, the stuff floating around.
I call it the side-door content popping in – even though my kid was making good choices, social media algorithms were algorithming. It was whispering and quietly serving up more more and more, but social media was loud.
Loud with judgment, pressure and subtle little nudges about what to watch should be, what he should want. During adolescent development, these subtle nudges can significantly impact a teen’s self-perception and mental health.
Even the seemingly harmless post content carried potential risks. And most of it wasn’t outrageous. It was normal. Slipped in like background noise.
Here’s Why This Matters
Turns out, the internet has its own parenting plan.
And social media companies aren’t shy about helping raise our kids — without asking permission and without warnings about potential consequences.
We’re still worried about screen time while teens live entire parallel lives across six social media platforms, carrying online identities bigger than anything we ever managed on a Motorola flip phone.
Did I age myself there?
Anyways.
Managing privacy settings, in app spending limits and checking your kid’s phone are all a part of social media safety — but it’s nowhere near enough.
Social media does not care about youth mental health or your teen’s online safety. They care about time-on-screen metrics and advertising revenue.
If you’re not actively protecting youth and teaching digital literacy skills, the digital landscape is.
When the Language Starts to Shift
Your kid might not come home and tell you they watched a dangerous TikTok challenge. But they might come home using phrases that sound a little meaner. A little colder. A little… off.
For me, my Wait, What? moment was sort of surreal. My kid and I were having a regular conversation about a serious event in the news — the kind of moment where you expect empathy or curiosity. Instead, I got:
“Well… how do we know she’s not lying?”
It wasn’t said cruelly. But it didn’t sound like my kid. It sounded rehearsed. Familiar.
Like something picked up from a feed, or a comment section, or an influencer who knows exactly how to make a take sound like truth.
Maybe for you, you’ll start to notice that when painful things are brought up, they are suddenly “not that deep” or your sweet kid now develops a notorious mean streak. That might tell you that the influence of their time on digital technologies might be setting in, and moving from online platforms to the real world.
But that’s your sign.
Their social media usage maybe isn’t just about entertainment anymore — it’s shaping their thinking, their empathy, their well-being.
Meanwhile, it’s worth considering that gender differences matter when it comes to how young people experience social media. Boys and girls often show completely different patterns — not just in what they engage with, but in behaviour, language and how it hits their confidence and emotions.
And no — noticing it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means social media platforms and algorithms are doing their jobs.
But now it’s time to do ours.
Want a Real-World Starting Point?
I made you something that might help.
It’s called the Red Flag Language Guide — a quick, practical resource to help you recognize the subtle shifts in your child’s language that might reflect something deeper online.
Inside, you’ll find:
Red flag phrases that could signal harmful influence or toxic online culture
Special notes on gaming platforms and comment sections — and why “just jokes” aren’t always harmless
Tips for starting a conversation without turning it into a showdown
Gentle ways to name your values and keep the door open
This guide won’t give you a script. It gives you awareness, language, and space to begin.
✨ Ready to start?
Sign up below to grab your free Red Flag Language Guide. You’ll also be added to the Parenting While Black newsletter—real tools, not spam. Community, not shame.
You don’t have to know everything about the algorithm to interrupt its influence.
You just have to be listening.
You’ve got this.
Where to Go From Here
The good news? It’s not too late. You’re not too behind. And your attention? That’s the first step in reclaiming the feed. What you can do is start noticing — and asking better questions.
If you’re looking for more conversations or where to start with parenting our kids in the digital age we got you – Start here: Unfiltered and Unbothered: Parenting in the Digital Age.
Start listening closer and keep reminding them (and yourself): they are worth more than what the algorithm says. Click below for more resources in this series.
You’ve got this. And you’re not alone.
