Over here in Teenageria, things can get real. But nothing tests my belief in my parenting skills quite like those moments when I think my teen should be able to do something seemingly basic like, entry-level adulting. And yet.
The other day, after reminding my child four times that we had a specialist appointment, I drove 40 minutes to get there. When we arrived, I sent him up to the receptionist’s desk to check in.
That’s when it happened.
The blank, panicked look on his face when the receptionist asked for his health card? Oscar-worthy. He turned to me with wide eyes, silently pleading: What do I do now?
Now, let’s review. I made the appointment. I reminded him—four times. I drove 40 minutes across town. And this child left the house without the one thing he needed? But brought his phone. Naturally.
Something in me just snapped.
“Bye, Felicia.”
And I meant it with my whole chest.
Ignoring his horrified expression, I turned, found a chair, and sat all the way down. I could practically hear the other parents gasp in high-resolution surround sound.
I looked at him. The other parents looked at me. He turned back to the receptionist and I picked up my phone.
I don’t know where it came from. And no, maybe it wasn’t my best parenting moment. But sitting there, shaking my head, I had to ask myself:
How did we get here?
It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized the real issue.
1990s Black Movies are My Happy Place
It was days later – we were on March Break, and I was in serious 90s movie mode. Nostalgia hit me hard, and I had made my poor teenagers sit through classics they had and hadn’t yet seen—from Friday to New Jack City to The Best Man. I even rewatched Soul Food for good measure.
If you don’t know by now, 90s Black movies are my cinematic love language.
These weren’t just movies; they were cultural events. We had romance, drama, comedy, crime, wigs, church scenes, cookouts, fistfights and 14-minute wedding speeches. And every Black woman in the 90s was either in a romantic entanglement, dealing with a shady cousin, or single-handedly holding the family together with nothing but prayer and potato salad.
Black movies always have a lot on their plates. But the 90s? That was our time for Black cinema. The movies from that decade hit different. These weren’t just films; they were culture.
We had romantic drama and Black characters that were everything from best friends to serial killers. Black women lit up every corner of the screen with greats from Loretta Devine and Halle Berry to Vivica A. Fox and Whoopi Goldberg. Movies didn’t need to centre on racial tensions or social issues- they could just be funny, or stupid or both all while frittering a Friday away. Black films of the day offered history lessons, defined our style, and reflected our families back at us. The characters couldn’t be one-dimensional if they tried.
What Black Panther did for us in 2018? The 90s had already done—with no vibranium budget and no CGI. We had whole cinematic universes without a single Marvel crossover. We had our superheroes: Nia Long and Larenz Tate. Jada Pinkett Smith was just Jada —and yes, we all loved her. Don’t play.
The Best Black Movies of the 1990s Give Lessons Our Kids Don’t Get in School
And yes, I admit that I have forced my children to indulge my 90s movie fixation. How can I not when each ensemble cast was an embarrassment of riches? Laurence Fishburne, Cuba Gooding Jr., Ice Cube, and Morris Chestnut played everything from gangsters to good boys, grooms to dimension-defying gurus. Tupac Shakur lit up the screen in Juice and held his own alongside Janet Jackson in Poetic Justice.
So many films by folks like our beloved Spike Lee got critical acclaim and spawned academy award nominations with a frequency we certainly haven’t seen since then. And then there are the great Black actors like Regina King, Omar Epps and Angela Bassett, who my kids still watch today, and starred in 90s movies roles that defined them. I’ve tried to explain to my kids that Queen Latifah wasn’t always the Equalizer. And they know Eddie Murphy was a lot more than a donkey. These actors have aged like fine wine, and so have these films.
My kids aren’t quite ready to know exactly How Stella Got her Groove Back but still, I feel like 1990s movies have a role to play in the lives of children. Each film gives my kids a unique history lesson that rivals Ontario’s new (and much to be improved) Black History curriculum.
With remakes and long-overdue sequels (Sister Act 3, anyone?), it’s clear we’re still drawn to these movies.
But watching these classics as a parent hits different.
And, fresh off that doctor’s office debacle, they spoke to me in a new way.
90s Black Movies Were More Than Entertainment
I am a champion for all things conscious parenting. This is not just podcast fodder — it’s how I show up. But let’s not get it twisted: respecting your child’s emotional landscape is not the same as raising kids who can’t refill a prescription, make Kraft Dinner, or navigate life without a 17-step Google tutorial.
Parenting Black kids today takes balance. You need the gentle phrasing and the “get your life together” stare. You need emotional literacy and some good old-fashioned common sense.
Black families today require a mix of old-school and new-school wisdom. Our kids need to know how to go to the doctor by themselves and cook more than instant noodles without setting the house on fire. They need to do the hard work to build careers and have the common sense to hold on to the generational wealth we’re working so hard to pass on.
Yes, we should meet them where they are, respect child growth and their whole brain and all that—but we also have to give them the common sense to move differently and survive.
I’m not tossing out the parenting books and expert advice—I still believe in them. But I also have to remember the lessons I was raised with. The ones that came not from studies or step-by-step frameworks but from sharp, blunt, and sometimes completely illogical one-liners designed to stun you into thinking for yourself.
And honestly? That’s why these 90s movies still hit so hard. They are like a Parenting While Black guide.
Maybe Everything I Needed to Know about Parenting I learned from 1990s Black Movies…
My teenager’s stunned confusion at the doctor’s office—and my instinctive dive into the classics—gave me a much-needed wake-up call. Sure, my response wasn’t polished, but it did have him figuring things all the way out.
As much as I lean into modern parenting philosophies, if I am to survive, I’m going to have to revisit the old-school wisdom that shaped me.
Because truthfully? Getting parents to dismiss the wisdom that got us here isn’t the move. And 90s Black movies taught us most of what we needed to know about parenting if we are ready to listen. They weren’t just entertainment—they were life lessons wrapped in storytelling, dropping gems in ways that stuck with us. Big Mama and Furious Styles weren’t just on-screen parents; they were laying out the game plan—raising kids who could think for themselves, navigate the world, and, most importantly, survive it.
And if you’re looking to build out your own parenting playbook, consider this your refresher course. Next time you’re faced with a blank-faced teen or a defiant toddler, here are some of the best one-liners and life lessons straight from the classics—sharp, effective, and just as relevant today.
Old School Parenting, New School Kids: 90s Black Films Had the Playbook
“Bye, Felicia.” – Friday (1995)
More than a meme, this cult classic gave us a boundary-setting anthem. ‘Bye Felcicia’ is highly versatile in any situation where someone is out of order. Whether toddler to teenager asks you as a parent for more than they should, gives attitude or acts a fool. Sometimes, the answer is simple: Bye. Bonus points for anyone who had the foresight to name their child Felicia.
“A Hard Head Makes a Soft Behind” – Boyz N the Hood (1991)
John Singleton’s epic, Boyz N the Hood, gave us Furious Styles and a masterclass in fatherhood. Furious Styles (Laurence Fishburne) didn’t just teach Tre about life; he laid down lessons like a Black parent philosopher. Furious teaches us parents a hard truth – that sometimes our kids insist on learning things the hard way. Whether swayed by the wrong group of friends or being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the trick for today’s parent is balancing the “I told you so” with the “I’m still here for you.”
“You got McDonald’s money?” – Soul Food (1997)
We all know and love this one — the childhood dream-crusher. Sure, nowadays, we balance that this isn’t just about saying “no”—but this one liner is a parenting tool to teach about budgeting, priorities, and self-control. Oh, and heart disease, if that’s where you want to take it!
“Sit your five-dollar a** down before I make change!” – New Jack City (1991)
Listen – I’m not saying we should say this to our kids – or, like anyone. This crime drama is likely the one place Nino Brown (Wesley Snipes) can get away with this. No, you can’t say it even if it feels like the perfect response when your teen is leaning in hard to well, teenager-ing. But if we change the delivery, the message is still valid. Sometimes, our kids need a reminder that they don’t, in fact, know everything. Some lessons require listening, not talking.
“What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand…? The ‘N’ or the ‘O’?” – Set it Off (1996)
This is another one of those I am not advocating that we say out loud, because it’s rude! But we as parents have to remember – many kids feel ‘No’ is nothing more than a lifestyle choice… And while I get we have to understand the realities of child development and hold space for feelings, the idea that we can’t or shouldn’t tell them “no” is well, nonsense. There are times when ‘No’ is a complete sentence. Some family rules are family rules. This is just a reminder that even if kids don’t actually understand “no” (at least not the way we wish they would) we are within our rights to say it and mean it.
“I’m Not One of Your Little Friends” – Friday (1995)
Mrs. Jones wasn’t playing. And while I’m all for building a strong emotional connection with my kids, sometimes they need a reminder: I am not one of their little friends— what I am is their biggest champion, their safe place, and the one who always has their back. The kind friend our Black children deserve. And that kind of friend deserves respect.
“Father means you’re taking care of those children. Just cause you made them, that don’t mean you’re a father. Anybody can make a baby, but not everybody can take care of them.” – Malcolm X (1992)
This one hits different when you’ve got older kids. It’s the perfect line to pull out for a real talk on responsibility—whether it’s a safe sex conversation or a reminder, during those times when your kids try to push you away, that parenting isn’t just about showing up—it’s about doing the work. Because let’s be clear: you didn’t get here by accident, and you’re not here for decoration. Plus Denzel Washington as Malcolm X? Say less.
“You win some, you lose some. But you live—you live to fight another day.” – Friday (1995)
This lesson about picking your battles is as much for parents as it is for our kids. As a parent, sometimes you let the mismatched outfit slide, but you will fight to the death over seatbelt safety. Mr. Jones was trying to teach Craig that every battle isn’t worth fighting. As parents, we are raising proud kids who stand up for themselves, but we also need them to know when to walk away.
“Go somewhere and sit down.” – The Preacher’s Wife (1996)
Whitney Houston’s Julia was not about to entertain foolishness. This line is about knowing when to be still, reflect, and give people (read: parents) a moment to breathe. Kids don’t always know when to stop, but a well-timed “go somewhere and sit down” is a time-honoured redirect.
“One finger won’t make an impact, but you ball all those fingers into a fist, and you can strike a mighty blow. Now, this family has got to be that fist” – Soul Food (1997)
Soul Food offered a masterclass in all things Black family. Extended family values were everywhere. Aunties were ever-present – including that Rich Auntie! And Big Mama wasn’t just cooking; she was preaching. Whether it’s Sunday dinner or UberEats, the lesson remains: family is love, connection is key, and sharing a meal with family members can be the superglue of relationships. The time we spend together is what equips us for life’s highs and lows.
Other parenting takeaways from 1990s films…
Some parenting lessons just hit different when you’re watching from the other side of adulthood. And hey, maybe it’s just me—parenting teenagers has a way of making things clearer—but I also take away some lessons maybe the movies didn’t mean to teach.
I will have done my job as a parent if my kids know enough to go to someone else’s house for the wild party. House Party (1990)
Teens are going to party. Stuff is gonna happen. But as long as it’s not happening while destroying my house, I feel like I’ve done something right.
Sometimes, You Need to Let Things Burn. (Waiting to Exhale, 1995)
Metaphorically speaking, of course. Because unless you literally set it on fire, your teen son’s room will always look like that. And setting it ablaze is not worth the mental health issues or the insurance hassle.
Don’t Start None, Won’t Be None.
This might as well be the unofficial motto of every 90s Black movie—and, coincidentally, the unspoken rule of playground politics, high school drama, and workplace survival. Teaching kids to avoid unnecessary nonsense while standing firm when needed? Essential parenting.
Confidence Starts Young. – Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1997)
Again, not a quote but a lifestyle and lesson. Whitney Houston and Brandy were the moment in this movie, and the message we as Black parents can take away was clear: confidence starts young. Sometimes, as an Auntie, Mom, dad or any primary caregiver, we’re the only ones investing in our kids’ dreams. If your kid wants to wear a tiara to the grocery store? Let them. Life will humble them soon enough.
Ready for your 1990s Black Movie Marathon?
Parenting wisdom doesn’t always come from a proven program, neatly formatted advice books or Black parenting experts. Sometimes, it’s in the quick, cutting one-liners our parents hit us with—and the movies that brought them to life. These weren’t just stories; they were an entire parent’s handbook wrapped in cultural storytelling. And honestly? They stuck.
My 90s movie rewatch led me right back to my parenting roots—the lessons and truths that shaped a generation. I wouldn’t say any of these movies reflected parenting style today’s child psychologists would approve of! But in some cases what these films lacked in gentle phrasing and validating language, they made up for with “to the point-ness”. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that to do the best job in parenting, my approach can’t be just old-school or new-school— I have to find the right balance between the two.
Because while I’ll hold space for your feelings, acknowledge your triggers and mine, and empathize with your overstimulated nervous system…
I’m still not one of your little friends.
So next time your kid rolls their eyes at one of your old-school gems, just remind them: This advice was so good, they made movies about it.
If I’ve convinced you, it’s time for a marathon! Check out Iconic 90s Black Movies My Kids Have to Watch and revisit the classics.
