Why We’re Talking About Algorithms, Identity, and Black Kids Online
I’m just going to say it:
I did not sign up for this part of parenting.
This wasn’t in the books. Nobody at the baby shower warned me I’d need to outsmart TikTok’s algorithm, moderate YouTube comments while stirring dinner, or decode Discord usernames during bedtime chaos.
Even when I did start to clue in, I thought my biggest digital-age dilemma would be whether my kids were spending too much time playing video games — not worrying about how the algorithm might be slowly hijacking children’s development or how fast new social media platforms could pop up, explode, and disappear before I even figured out what they were called.
And I absolutely did not come prepared for the way teen’s social media use gets dragged across the headlines every week.
Every news story, every viral cautionary tale — it always circles back to technology use, to their own smartphones, to the idea that if you give your kid internet access and a social media account, you’re basically inviting a full-blown mental health crisis to move in.
But here we are. Trying to figure out how much time online is too much, when the reality is: tech is stitched into almost every corner of childhood now.
Raising Our Kids in a Digital World
Devices are where homework lives. Social media platforms are where friend groups organize. The internet is where kids build their online identities before their offline selves are even fully cooked.
Most parents — myself absolutely included — are out here fighting battles we didn’t see coming.
We’re trying to balance the real benefits of technology use (yes, there are some) with the very real risks that come when young users spend too much screen time swimming through content designed to trigger their emotions, test their boundaries, and bend their sense of self.
And since I didn’t sign up for parenting in the digital age, I’m not about to sit here pretending I’m an expert.
This series is just me being honest.
Sharing what I’ve learned — and what I’m still learning — as I try to raise culturally grounded, emotionally intelligent, tech-aware kids in a digital world that cares more about clicks than character.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about survival. It’s about reclaiming a little peace — not just in our homes, but inside our kids’ online lives too.
Because if we’re being real? The digital landscape isn’t raising our kids for us. But it’s absolutely trying to help.
And it’s time we noticed.
What Pushed Me to Start This Series
I’ve been doing youth work, parenting, and general adulting for a minute now. But these past few months? Some moments were a lot.
There was the moment I heard about a Grade 7 child posting nudes — and those images circulating through her elementary school.
Closer to home (literally in my own home), I sat gaping as my tween defended a misogynistic influencer like he was the second coming of Malcolm X with a ring light.
And of course, there have been high-profile cases of child trafficking — with social media usage playing a starring role in grooming, coercion, and complicating the investigations.
Raising kids in today’s digital world isn’t just about locking down devices.
It’s about protecting their identity, their mental health, and their ability to move through this tech-saturated life without losing themselves.
Add to that the daily moments where brilliant, loving, trying-their-best parents are flailing in group chats, asking things like:
“What is BeReal?”
“Is Snapchat still a thing?”
“What the hell is Discord?” (Answer: something that makes you feel 103 years old just trying to understand it.)
Out of options and overwhelmed, many of today’s parents do what we all try at first:
Take the cell phones. Block the app. Unplug the console. (once my hubby thought he was slick and even took the power cable just to be extra sure!)
And still feel like we’re one viral trend behind.
But here’s the thing:
Setting screen time limits and using parental controls is important. Monitoring how much time kids spend playing video games matters. But raising kids in today’s digital world isn’t just about locking down devices.
It’s about protecting their identity, their mental health, and their ability to move through this tech-saturated life without losing themselves.
Because online access isn’t just entertainment anymore. It’s part of our family’s daily routine. It’s where kids form friendships. Where they build online identities. Where they are exposed — sometimes daily — to inappropriate content, harmful challenges, and potential risks of digital spaces that don’t have their well-being in mind.
Why This Matters
We are raising Black children who basically came out the womb with YouTube videos favourited and Snapchat handles.
We want to raise good kids who are proud, rooted, joyful — kids who can move through the digital landscape without shrinking or erasing who they are.
But here’s what social media platforms are actually pushing:
- Educational content? Sure — right next to eating disorders disguised as “wellness tips.”
- Physical activity encouragement? Maybe — sandwiched between “how to get abs by starving yourself” challenges.
- Positive role models? Buried under influencers pushing toxic masculinity, colourism, and anti-Black stereotypes — one click at a time.
Several factors are at play, but research is clear:
Social media use among teens is tied to poor mental health outcomes, especially when youth are exposed to unrealistic beauty standards, peer pressure, and algorithm-driven echo chambers.
Even the benefits of technology and access to educational content don’t erase the fact that many teens, many young users, are spending hours on social media sites. They are in front of a screen that pushes messages to quietly erode self-worth and encourage risk taking.
And because so much of this exposure looks harmless — a funny meme here, a TikTok trend there — most children don’t realize when they’re being shaped by it. We are parenting while Black in a digital world that is constantly trying to rewrite who our kids are — and what they should believe about themselves. And it’s doing it faster than we can say “iPad timeout.”
Without active support, children understand the world of social media through the lens of what gets the most clicks — not what’s healthiest, safest, or most rooted in who they really are.
So What Is the Unfiltered and Unbothered Series?
This isn’t a crisis post. It’s a rallying cry.
A digital-age conversation for every parent who has ever found themselves longing for the days when our biggest youth technology worries were violent video games or whether their first email account had a weird username.
We don’t have to be perfect.
But we do have to be present — digitally, emotionally, and culturally.
We deserve practical tips and tools that work. Stories that reflect us. And a space to talk about and maybe have the open conversations and critical thinking we need to figure this digital parenting thing out without shame, guilt, or burnout.
That’s what Unfiltered and Unbothered is here for —
It’s our little vent space. Your strategy corner. A calm, clear guide to raising Black youth who can thrive in a tech-saturated world.
Here’s a glimpse at what we’ll dive into:
- Detoxing your kid’s social media feed without starting a screaming match at the dinner table
- Red flags to catch before you find yourself wondering who swapped your sweet kid for a TikTok soundbite
- How to talk to your kid about TikTok, colourism, confidence — and how social media usage and thee online world messes with all three
- What every Black parent needs to know about school surveillance tech and protecting their child’s digital footprint
- How to let your child engage online but also protect their joy, identity, and emotional well-being — from both systems and screens
Ready to Keep Going?
You don’t need to have it all figured out. It’s totally ok if you don’t know all the social media apps, slang terms, or every new viral disaster. It’s actually probably better that way, love.
And if you want somewhere to start sign up below and 👉🏾 Download our 5-Day Reset Plan to Detox Your Kid’s Algorithm. It’s a simple first step — one that can help you start reclaiming their feed, their confidence, and their voice, one small scroll at a time.
P.S.
This is still Parenting While Black. Still joy-filled. A little messy. A lot hating laundry.
But now? We’re moving with even more cultural clarity, digital strategy, and parental power in our pockets.
The world isn’t slowing down. But we don’t have to be scared of it either.
