Just a quick shoutout to all my fellow parents of teenagers: Are you okay? How you living? Hanging in?
Wondering how much coffee, therapy, or sheer willpower it’ll take to make it through the next round of “What do you mean I can’t just quit school and become a YouTuber?”
Because I know we all love our teens – I know I truly do. And I will not stand for anyone disparaging this group of awkward, hormonal, sometimes-smelling-like-a-locker-room young people. They have so much on their plates. Between the hormones, the mean girls, the body changes, milestones, friend dramas, and whatever TikTok trend is currently ruling their lives, they deserve our empathy.
So yes, they deserve grace. They’re misunderstood, often mischaracterized as adults even though their brain development isn’t anywhere near finished. Honestly, their reasoning skills are sometimes eerily similar to high-functioning toddlers. Except toddlers don’t know how to hit you with a three-paragraph counterargument about why curfews infringe on their basic human rights.
But here’s the thing, fellow travellers in Teenageria: the roads here are rough. I myself just wrapped up a marathon of life decisions and discussions with my teens that tested everything I am as a parent. So I thought I’d check-in on us.
Because at several moments in the last few weeks of diatribes, pre-exam stress, life decision mayhem and other everyday dramas that colour this teen-parenting journey, I needed reminding of something important.
We wanted this.
Remember when we said we were going to do things differently? We were going to break generational curses. We were going to raise emotionally intelligent, critical thinkers who knew we were their soft place to land, their source of strength. Some of us said, “No spanking, no yelling, and let’s definitely explain the ‘why’ behind every rule so they feel heard and respected.”
Yeah. Remember that?
This is when you might realize (too late) that they are using the critical thinking skills you so lovingly instilled in them… against you.
Fast forward to now. You’re in the middle of Teenageria, staring down a fully grown toddler who refuses to accept “Because I said so” as a valid argument.
“Why can’t I go to my friend’s house on a school night? Is there any evidence that missing one night of sleep will negatively affect my grades? Didn’t you once tell me about Einstein’s unconventional schedule?”
“Why are you freaking out about my grades? Didn’t Steve Jobs drop out of college? You want me to be successful, right?”
“Why can’t I eat a family-sized bag of chips for dinner? Potatoes are vegetables, aren’t they? And these have onions too.”
And you know what? They’ve got points. They aren’t good points but points nonetheless. Certainly not good enough to win an argument based on logic – but if I’ve learned little else it is that often logic has no place here in Teenageria… And we, dear fellow generational curse-breaking parents, we have to meet them on this battlefield of “logic”, knowing full well that we will be worn down to the nub of our soul by the time they finally walk away in defeat — or worse, victory.
This might be when you realize (too late): that they are using the critical thinking skills you so lovingly instilled in them… against you.
We dreamed of raising children who would challenge the status quo, think for themselves, and question authority. We just forgot that we would be the authority they’d be questioning the most.
So let me just gently remind you: We wanted this.
We dreamed of raising children who would challenge the status quo, think for themselves, and question authority. We just forgot that we would be the authority they’d be questioning the most.
And yes, apparently it’s for the best.
As long as everyone makes it through.
But if you ever feel like your brain might melt from the sheer number of debates about curfews, food preference or viable career ambitions, just know you’re not alone.
And – remember we wanted this. We did this to our damn selves.
And when you need to tap out and have a moment of nostalgia for the days when “Because I said so” was a reasonable retort? I’ll be here. In Teenageria.
Right there with you, dodging debates, biting my tongue, and remembering that this is what progress looks like – exhausting, hilarious, character-building progress.
