Unexpectedly Essential Books offer Wisdom on Raising a Black Son

Raising a Black son was a puzzle I had no clue how to solve.

I think the root of the issue lay in my strong belief that our family only “made girls.” With a daughter and a lineage skewed towards girls, my husband and I were utterly convinced we were having another girl. We didn’t feel any need to “find out” the baby’s sex before birth.

Imagine the scene: in the delivery room, at 10 cm dilation, sweaty and ready to welcome our little one. Our doctor pauses and playfully asks us to “bet” on the gender. My husband cheerfully exclaims “No need – it’s a girl!”. Thankfully he responds for us both – as I was too busy sweating, grunting, and giving the doctor side-eye. Because really sir, was this the time for small talk, bets and guessing games?

Anyway.

Fast forward to boyhood – and raising a son sometimes feels like being tossed into the deep end of the pool with only basic swimming skills. It is a daunting gift, I stay on a mission to nurture his humanity, wisdom, humour, and greatness, all while offering unwavering support.

My lofty goal is to raise a son who embodies my father, husband, and favourite uncles all in one. But the thing is, I am not sure I have any clue how to do this.

Life is a crash course on raising a Black son.

This journey of nurturing Black boys into Black men, especially in a world we can’t rely on readily embracing their greatness, is an emotional marathon. We are doing all the things to prepare them for the complexities of masculinity, racial and sexual identity, resilience and so much more.

From his first steps to the first time he encountered mall security tailing him, life has been a crash course for both my son and me.

And that’s why I am grateful for the magic of three exceptional books.

None of us have all the answers. As a certified book-lover, it’s sort of my go-to move to turn to books when I’m looking for advice.

I ended up finding perspective from unlikely sources.

These are not your typical “parenting manuals” written by physicians, psychologists or otherwise. These extraordinary books are not even written by parents – yet they’re brimming with priceless guidance for raising Black sons.

Bursting with humour, grace, and wisdom, these books are essential reads for anyone on the incredible journey of raising a Black son.

Before I get into it, in the name of transparency, please note that this post contains affiliate links. Any purchase made through these links will result in a small commission for me. Parenting While Black intentionally features Black and BIPOC-owned products and/or affiliates with major retailers who are dedicated to wealth equity. So any purchases made through this site are Buy Us, For Us.

Born A Crime, by Trevor Noah: The heartfelt love letter every mom dreams her son would write

Trevor Noah is pretty much the kind of son many of us hope to raise and so I was drawn to his book! But what kept me reading was his humour, historical perspective, and deep reverence for his upbringing.

What I loved:

With a few shoutouts to Aunties and grandmothers who played integral roles in his life, many parts of the book read like a love letter Trevor wrote to his mother. Reading about not only Trevor’s humble beginnings but also his mother’s gave me hope that it is possible to break generational curses.

As a mom of a son, this book had me reading it like a tips sheet on what kind of mothering makes a Trevor. I felt like making notes to ensure I didn’t miss any nuggets of wisdom. I was driven to understand the kind of parenting that created someone with such insightful intelligence and deep respect for Black women.

I have often wondered what I wish for my kids more – that they don’t know that the world isn’t ready for them, or they don’t care. This book paints a picture of both. A young man painfully aware of the brutalities inflicted on someone of his identity and carefully equipped by his mother to move past them.

Born a Crime’s Essential Wisdom for Raising Black sons: 

My mom raised me as if there were no limitations on where I could go or what I could do. When I look back I realize she raised me like a white kid – not white culturally, but in the sense of believing that the world was my oyster, that I should speak up for myself, that my ideas and thoughts and decisions mattered.

– Trevor Noah, Born A Crime

All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson’s:  Lessons on the resonating power of Black family love

In All Boys Aren’t Blue, George M. Johnson gives us an exceptionally vulnerable and honest look at navigating racism, sexual identity, masculinity and belonging. If you are raising a son, this book is essential.

What I loved

All boys aren’t Blue tells so many stories about family, love, sexuality, identity, and social justice. But, what touched me most was how this book softly, quietly captures Black family love at its finest.

I know this is not the main premise by far, but reading it as a mother, I welcomed Johnson’s portrayal of a Black family. This family was capable of not merely loving their children but holding space for all identities by uplifting and protecting them. The book depicted so much more than allyship. It conveyed the strength of brotherhood and grandmotherly love. It showed what affirming support looks like from Aunties and cousins. The nurturing space this family held for its LGBTQIAP+ members is a story not often told about Black families.

Wisdom from All Boys Aren’t Blue that make this a must-read for Black parents: 

I swim anyway. Every single morning, I put on my goggles and dive right into the deep end of racism, homophobia and every other oppression that is thrown my way. There just don’t seem to be enough Little Ralls, Rasuls, and Nannys in the world willing to reach their hand into the water to pull us to safety. Too many watch in silence while others in the community suppress Black queer people. One day the choice must be made by all; are you teaching people how to swim or are you letting them drown?

– George M. Johnson, All Boys Aren’t Blue

When all else fails, bell hooks and The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love is the answer

I don’t know if I am wise enough to give a succinct summary of The Will to Change by bell hooks. I will say this, this book made me truly feel connected to the deep roots of family love and the power it has to uplift our sons.

What I loved

Whew. There were so many layers of complexity to The Will to Change. This book sat on my heart and expanded my mind, it challenged me to re-examine my notions of boyhood and manhood. I’ll be honest at some points I had to take a deep breath. I had to re-read pieces after the tingly sensation subsided. The depths of her insights are powerful, but so is the calling to sit with her words and unpack my role in patriarchy.

As a mother raising a Black son, I read the book exploring my ideas, “rules” and perspectives of men, manliness, and masculinity. I truly took in her messages around how these ideas trap not only our sons but us as parents. bell hooks’ words and approach simply wrapped me in awareness. It gave me pause and I loved that The Will to Change softly, firmly demanded that I change even just by thinking about how to seek out and support masculinity void of toxic and harmful stereotypes. hooks’ wisdom made it seem possible for parents to choose to guide their sons toward healthier, whole and more authentic expressions of masculinity.

Essential wisdom found in The Will to Change:

To create loving men, we must love males. Loving maleness is different from praising and rewarding males for living up to sexist-defined notions of male identity. Caring about men because of what they do for us is not the same as loving males for simply being. When we love maleness, we extend our love whether males are performing or not.

― bell hooks, The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

There is an art to raising a Black son

When I dove into on this journey of raising a son, I was wading into uncharted waters.  Truth be told, I’m still riding those waves of uncertainty.

From navigating delivery room bets to wrangling motherhood, raising a Black son has all been an adventure. But amid this whirlwind, books like these three incredible reads are my compass, reminding me that my dreams for my son aren’t as far out as they seem.

Sure, raising a Black son who has “it all”—respect for all, a strong self-identity, and the finesse to tackle masculinity’s twists—is like a masterpiece in progress. But reading these books felt like I had patient mentors whispering, “You got this” even when I know I’m winging it. They remind me that raising a Black son takes a little humour, a lot of empathy and that I remain deeply invested in love.

So let’s take this ride together. Share in the comments any books you’ve read that turned out to be unexpected sources of parenting wisdom – whether you are raising a Black son or not. Dive into the Parenting While Black community for more insights, straight from us, for us. Because raising extraordinary sons has never been a solo mission – it takes a village, subscribe to our email list to join ours.